I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while now, but didn’t really know how to bring it up. If it sounds like I’m breaking up with you, it’s because I am.
But we’ll talk about that later.
Right now I’d like to talk about “HeadOn” ProductTM. It’s applied directly to the forehead. Directly to the forehead, muthaf*ckers!
I’ve been hearing radio commercials for this product for some time. Inititally, I thought they were the worst commercials ever. They spend 30 seconds talking about HeadOn and how you apply it – did I tell you this yet? – directly to the forehead. At no point in time do they ever tell you what it actually is.
Is it a headache painkiller?
Is it a zit cream?
Is it a ball peen hammer?
I think it’s a ball peen hammer.
Then I saw that they made a commercial and I got excited because, hey! I’ll finally find out what it is!
It’s an ointment you apply directly to the forehead!!!! Awesome!
But what does it do? You know what, I just don;t know or care anymore. I’m left now with this wicked, unrelenting urge to slather several sticks of HeadOn product all over my massive forehead.
Perhaps my headaches will go away.
Perhaps my skin will clear up.
Perhaps I’ll grow a horn and prance about in rainbows on velvet blacklight paintings hung on your younger sister’s walls.
Who care? YOU APPLY IT DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!!!! Simply amazing.