Fashion Forward Heroin Addicts

I recently purchased a brand new Gaggia Espresso machine off of Amazon. This in itself is not that amazing. I take great pride in my mostly non-addictive personality, but we all know that the one crack in that system is caffeine. I love me the coffee and can be a right bastard when denied.

But even in my most fervent withdrawal-induced hallucinations I’m nowhere near as crazy about my coffee as some folks tend to be. I did plenty of research before dropping a wad on the Gaggia having already been burned by a crappy $37 Mr. Coffee espresso machine (damn thing didn’t even spout out water!) and was quite amazed at what I found as far as user reviews. I’ve never seen such eloquence and reverance foisted upon the preparation of an addictive substance before reading user reviews for various coffee machines. Who knew?

I can only imagine what sort of user reviews I’d expect were something like, say, heroin were legal.

5 out of 5 starsSoothed veins, gentler high, January 14, 2004

Reviewer: StreetMonkey7

The Medivac “VesselSmooth” Single Shot kit is the best needle/burner combo I’ve had the pleasure of using. The hand-blown glass free-base warmer gently heats your smack without burning it, which makes for a much smoother glide through the veins and leaves fewer track marks. The needle on the hypodermic is so fine that I barely feel the prick. If only I could say the same for the SomniVein Shooter. If you’re seriously looking at the SomniVein, then you may as well drop the extra $90 for the Medivac VesselSmooth, which is far superior in quality and well worth the extra cost over the long term.

Purchasers of this item also bought:
SmackBack’s “Smooth Morning” Afghani Blend
Medivac No-Pinch Velcro Tournicut
“Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue

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