How lame am I? I’m working from home now and listening to the radio far more than usual. I like listening to the Free FM talk format (most of the time) and it’s been irritating the hell out of me that all of their personalities are from LA or New York. They fired Darrian O’Toole for falling asleep during her show (now that’s good radio) and they fired John London for offering money for the life of Penn Jillette (stupid, stupid, stupid but not the worst thing I;ve heard on radio). Who’s left? Well, they have a couple of locals, but they’re all on way after dark.

So, on my wife’s suggestion, I wrote the following to the management at Free FM.

I just got back from LA where 97.1 Free FM, between 10am and 2pm (or thereabouts), runs the “Frosty, Heidi and Frank” show featuring local LA DJs covering local topics. I love ‘em, they’re hilarious.

LA also claims Adam Carolla and Tom Leykis. New York lays claim to the Radio Chick and Opie and Anthony, both of whom cover NY-centric topics.

So where does that leave San Francisco, one of the largest and most metropolitan cities in the nation? We get sloppy seconds. Carolla and Leykis I can see - they’re national syndication makes sense considering how long they’ve been around. Opie and Anthony, who spend more time whining about Howard Stern than actually doing good radio, are basically masturbating on the airwaves, but I can sort of understand why they’d be syndicated considering their past controversies.

But the friggin’ Radio Chick? That’s an insult.

When 106.9 Free FM started, you tried to bring back a couple of the Bay Area’s past radio greats - Darrian O’Toole and John London. In both cases, you dropped them on the slightest provocation. Darrian O’Toole falling asleep during her show is, I’ll admit, unacceptable, but London should not have been fired for his comments about Penn Gillette. I agree that it was totally irresponsible to call for his head on a platter the way he did, but I’ve heard much, much worse from other radio idiots on the airwaves and the most they ever get is a slap on the wrist and a bump up in the ratings.

What you’re telling the Bay Area radio audience is that we have no good radio personalities, at least none that can carry a talk show. I argue that you’re not looking hard enough. 106.9 Free FM is an insult on the Bay Area. If you listen to Free FM in any other major market, you get plenty of local flavor. If you listen in the Bay Area, you get nothing but washed up New York shock jocks and shallow LA airheads. Where are the burned out ex-hippies from San Francisco? Where are the whiny, sourdough-eating, chardonnay swigging Marin yuppies? Hell, I’ll even settle for a crack-voiced Silicon Valley paper millionaire.

I genuinely believe the Free FM all-talk non-political format is fantastic and fills a vital hole on the radio dial. I’m a dedicated listener (though, seriously, Opie and Anthony suck - today alone they’ve spent almost an hour and a half whining about Howard Stern - I may be tuning out between the 10 and 12 spots soon as a result) and have Free FM plugged in to my car and office radios at just about all times. I find it hard to believe you can’t find some local personalities to make our station feel more local. If you’re not having luck in the professional market, perhaps you should do an open casting call or something. Hell, troll the local podcasters and bump one of them up to the limelight. Investing in a new, unknown talent could potentially pay off big for you while garnering a ton of media attention, both online and off. You have got to do something to improve your local station - the Bay Area deserves much better than this.

Thanks for reading.

Rob Zazueta

I’ll be following it up with a list of words I no longer want to hear on TV. Number one: horny.