Difficult birthday this year for the obvious reasons. No call from Mom with the standard birthday song. I just played it in my head, though, and am impressed that my eyes are only welling up rather than outright bawling. So, hey, things are getting better.
It’s an understatement to say this year was fucked up. My 30th year on the planet started with me questioning my accomplishments, saw the purchase of a house and subsequent spiral into massive debt, saw the death of my mother and the resulting panic and depression. That’s all the bad news. The good news is that I have always believed in the axiom “That which does not kill you only makes your stronger.” Well, I’m still breathing and, despite it all, I do feel stronger and I have more resolve. My goal is to own 31.
By this time in his life, my father had just become a father. We’re at least a year off from that, but I’ve had plenty of positive examples of folks who started families later in life and are the better for it, so that’s no longer a massive pressure. Mortality is more of an issue for me these days than ever, though, but I’ve been pondering long and hard over which does more damage - living freely and happily, doing basically what I please with little worry and without excess, or constant monitoring of everything taken in to ensure purity and health. You read about folks like George Burns who smoked a cigar every day, drank once an evening, never went on anything resembling a diet and lived until he was 100. You also read about folks like Jim Fixx, famous for trumpeting the benefits of jogging to an increasingly health conscious America of the 70s and 80s who died mid-stride at age 52 from clogged arteries. Certainly, genetics, lifestyle, environment and other seen and unseen forces play a factor in when and how you go, but the question is just how much control do any of us have over it? Am I better off spending my time at the gym and worrying about losing that extra 10 pounds (or, in my case, extra 100 pounds - yeesh!) or just laying back, enjoying my life and trying not to stress too much.
As usual, the answer in my mind lay in my buddhist leanings - take the middle path. That is, of course I should concerned about my health, my weight, etc. I should also make sure I take the time to enjoy the life I have, otherwise what’s the point? It’s all about finding that balance. The pursuit of that balance, unfortunately, is probably what will wind up killing me.
I met with a friend the other night to discuss a few career-related things. I realized not too long ago that, if I’m serious about going into business for myself, one skill I really need to develop is the ability to sell and close a sale. I spent a couple of hours picking his brain and gained a lot of fantastic information - some of it brand new, some I already knew but just needed to hear from someone I trust. Of this latter information, the most salient was from a story he told:
A gentleman sitting on an airplane realized that he was sitting next to Larry Ellison, founder and CEO of Oracle. The man didn’t want to come off as a groupie, but really wanted to pick Ellison’s brain. So he started conversing with him casually. Eventually, he asked him, “So, what do you do for a living?”
Ellison replied, “I work for a software company.”
Well, of course he worked for a software company. The man asked, “Really? What do you do for them?”
“I own it.”
“Interesting! What company is it? Perhaps I’ve heard of it.”
“It’s a database company called Oracle.” Ellison said, starting to catch on to what the man was driving at.
“Oracle! Wow! That’s a great company,” the man now let his excitement show. “It must have taken a lot of work to turn it into the success it’s become.”
“A lot of work,” Ellison replied.
“So, what’s your secret to success?”
Ellison glanced at the man’s lap and said, “Buckle your seatbelt.”
The man was perplexed, “The secret is to buckle my seatbelt?”
Ellison nodded. “You know that seatbelts save lives, right? If this plane goes down, evidence shows that you have a significantly higher chance of surviving if you’re buckled in. It’s even more true in cars. We’re told this constantly, yet you’d be surprised how many people don’t buckle their seatbelts.
“Success is the same way,” he continued. “Most of us know what we need to do - budget our money, focus on getting the work done, etc. Yet you’d be surprised how few actually do it. You already know what you need to do to be successful - you just need to do it.”
So, how’s that for a theme for year 31? “Buckle your seatbelt.” There are relatively simple things I can do to get where I want to go, I just need to do them. Of course, one other problem I suffer from is an inability to clearly visualize exactly what I want. So I’ll be spending some time doing just that - prioritizing my wants, evaluating my principles and goals and developing a game plan to help me achieve them. Once the plan is defined, it should be a simple matter of execution. Of course, if execution were truly so simple a matter, this would all be done by now.
As long as I’m still breathing, though, I’ve got a shot. Ultimately, that’s what matters most. The only failure point is quitting. Everything else is just an education.
