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December 21st, 2005
I Am the Reason Our Nation is Safe

A federal court judge on the FISA court which is supposed to authorize secret wiretapping activities resigned in protest of the Bush administrations’s warrantless domestic spying activities. I didn’t realize “by any means necessary” included violations of the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Here’s the argument that bugs me the most (from the linked article):

Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday defended the secret wiretaps.

“You know, it’s not an accident that we haven’t been hit in four years,” the vice president said, speaking with reporters on Air Force Two en route from Pakistan to Oman.

He’s right, it’s not an accident. Today I’m finally going to speak out and explain why we haven’t been hit by any terrorist activity within our border since 9/11. See, on December 9th, 2001, I found this very cool rock in my front yard. It’s green with some translucent white veins running through it. Just gazing upon it, I knew it was no ordinary rock - this is a special rock. It’s protective powers are awe-inspiring.

Since this rock has come into my possession, we have had no terrorist attacks within our country. We also haven’t been invaded by aliens or fought off zombie hordes. Like I said, this is a special, unbelievably powerful rock.

So there you have it. Without this rock, we would have been annihilated long ago. You should all praise the good fortune that I found this rock, otherwise we’d be in terrible shape.

Naturally, the administration will attempt to discredit me. They have an election coming up next year and it would be embarrassing for them if the GOP lost seats because of my rock. But I challenge them to prove my rock wrong. Show the American people your proof that you’re secret wire taps have thwarted one single terrorist attack! Mr. Cheney, you crow about how all of this erosion of personal and civil liberty is keeping this country safe, but not once have you proven it. I defy you to prove it.

You know the truth, Mr. Cheney. All that wire tapping and airport searching is just so much spinning of wheels. In the end, only my rock can keep us safe. I challenge you to prove otherwise.

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