I’ve been busy blah blah blah puking my guts out yakkity yak crying in my beer over Cal’s loss in the Consolation Holiday Bowl yadda yadda… but, even though we’re now closer to NEXT Christmas than we are to last, here, as promised, is the official annual Zazueta Christmas letter. Rejoice and be glad. (For extra credit, here are the ones from 2001, 2002, and 2003)

Dear Friends, Family, and Fellow Americans,

Though we lost our campaign for the presidency, now is not a time to dwell on the mistakes we may have made. It may have been wrong, for instance, to select as my running mate the first man I found babbling to himself on the street corner (my advisors said he would “balance the ticket”), but we can’t pin all of this on Muttering Matt. Now is a time for reconciliation, to bring our divided nation together. I called the President the morning after the election and, after some confusion and a visit by the Secret Service, conceded to his secretary’s voicemail. It’s time to let the healing begin.

It’s been a rather wonderful first year of marriage for Danielle and I. Unusually wonderful. Almost boring. We’ve settled in to this marriage thing with an ease that reinforces our belief that we were meant to be together as soul mates. The drugs have helped, too.

This year, Danielle has taken up knitting as a hobby, and you know what that means: SCARVES AND COZIES FOR EVERYONE! While I’ve made jokes in the past that this makes me feel as though I married my grandmother, or that we’re now officially a pair of old marrieds, I am glad she has something to keep herself busy when I’m out using my cane to chase those damn kids off my lawn.

As it is an even-numbered year, we shall be heading south for a few days to visit my family for the holidaze. Of course, it wouldn’t be Christmas without the traditional four-day cruise to Mexico. This is a new tradition, inspired by the romance of our honeymoon and an unbelievable, can’t pass deal Danielle impulse purchased off a travel website. A word of advice: If she ever approaches you with an idea that, at first glance, may sound like fanciful whimsy, you may want to drop everything and give it intense consideration before mindlessly agreeing lest you find yourself shipped off to a foreign country. With your wife. And your mother. It’s all very romantic.

So, to all of you who celebrate Christmas, have a very merry one. And, to our Jewish friends, Happy Hannukah. To those of you inclined to celebrate Kwanzaa, may you keep and remember the seven principles. And to our atheist friends… it’s cold out there, bring a jacket.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
Danielle and Rob Zazueta.