This is my personal blog, and I spend a lot of time espousing my personal views, but not too much time talking about what’s happening in my life. It’s usually either because I feel there’s not enough going on worth writing about or because I’m so overwhelmed I lack the time to do so. Right now it’s the latter.
So, here’s the update…
Danielle is now roughly 7.5 months pregnant and looking every much as radiant and happy as you can expect from a 7.5 month woman pregnant in the 100 degree Concord heat. I’m actually very proud and impressed with how well she’s doing considering that she doesn’t really have a reputation for “going with the flow”. But her excitement over the impending birth of our first child goes way past the “I want this kid out of me” feeling you’d expect. Consider that she pushed against this idea of having kids for quite some time for various reasons. Given that we’ve talked about having kids sense we met, I knew that most of her pushback was for reasons other than her not actually wanting kids. I mean, she’s had a name for a daughter for years now and we always talk about how much fun it would be to take our kids to the zoo, park, whatever. But she’s genuinely excited about having this kid and is doing everything she can to educate herself so that he has the absolute best chance of good health and happiness once he pops out.
The nursery is about 90% complete, minus a shelf and some minor decorations. Danielle painted stars on the closet doors and clouds on the ceiling. Her father helped us out a lot with the manual labor, especially as I’ve been crammed behind this damn computer nonstop for weeks. We had the family shower this past weekend and everyone was amazingly gracious and generous in so many ways. This kid is going to spoiled.
As I mentioned previously, we’re having a son, which is very exciting. Before we found out his gender, I really didn’t care whther we had a boy or a girl. Now that I know we’re having a boy, I’m looking forward to the things that fathers and sons can do together – Boy Scouts, fishing, camping, dealing with all the growing up issues, watching Cal games together on Saturday afternoons… Yes, I can – and will, if it happens – do these things with a daughter, but there is a special father-son bond that forms during some of these times that I’m really looking forward to.
Our good friends Phil and Claudia had their daughter back in April. Claudia has come over to visit a couple of times since then and it’s given me the opportunity to find out what it will be like having a screaming child around while I’m trying to work. It was remarkably easy, actually. I’m told it’s different when it’s my kid, but no one has been consistent in exactly how. When I say I don;t mind the crying, folks tell me it will be different when it;s my kid. When I say I can’t stand crying children, people tell me it will be different when it’s my kid. So, which is it?
We have settled on Dustin Robert Zazueta as a name. No other name has really jumped out at us, and this one has a good back story – it came to Danielle in a dream early in her pregnancy. Reaction has been mixed, and even I find it a bit awkward to think of my son as a Dustin, but I’m sure it will eventually sink in and become natural.
Running my own business has become a tremendous challenge. With a kid on the way, I’m under more pressure than ever to perform. Right now, I’m the sole breadwinner and that’s a TON of pressure. Business is mostly OK, but turn-around time is atrocious. I work mostly with contractors and freelancers and have found most of them to be either flakey, diva-esque or both. My own lack of organization doesn;t help much. I’m completely buried in work at the moment and am scrambling to get as much off my plate as possible before Dustin arrives. One big project I’ve been working on promises to ease some of this burden and dramatically improve turn-around time, but I need to steal time from family and other client work to make any progress on it. I’ve learned a great deal in the last few months and have a clearer vision of our future, but I need to dig myself out of my current hole before I can fulfill that vision.
Lately I;ve become more involved in my church, which is a rather odd, out of character step for me. We began going a couple of years ago when Danielle was pregnant the first time. When we were told there was no heartbeat during an ultrasound, I prayed like I hadn’t in years and made a promise to start going to church, something Danielle had, in the past, told me she wanted. As soon as I said that, the doctor found a heartbeat. Not one to mess with a promise made to the big man, we started attending services that Sunday. We checked out one or two churches before fiunally finding St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal in Concord. The Episcopalian faith, at least as it’s promoted in our diocese, really gels with my personal and spiritual beliefs. We favor reason over blind faith and seek to better understand Christ’s teachings and apply them to modern times rather than focus solely on miracles and Biblical esoteria. We pray not for things but guidance, which to me is a huge difference as I strongly believe the old axiom that God helkps those who help themselves. My Buddhist beliefs – always more a philosophy than a religion – meld really well with the Episcopalian views of God, prayer and morality. That we’re accepting of women as equals and homosexuals as deserving the same rights and respect as heterosexuals is just iciing on the cake.
So, how involved am I? Well, I sing and play guitar every Sunday for the 9am contemporary service (that means I’m up at 7am for an 8am practice just about every Sunday – seriously!) and am starting the first men’s fellowship group the church has seen in about a decade. I wanted to join a men’s support group to have peers to discuss some of the issues and whatnot I’m going through and find spiritual and personal support. Since no such group seemed to exist around me, I chose to start one. Playing the guitar Sunday mornings is literally the highlight of my week.Both of these activities, though, take more precious time that I simply don’t have, but I’ve made time for them because they bring me that much joy.
I tell everyone that, right now, my life is dominated by business and baby, and that’s a fact. Once the kid is here, it’ll no doubt get worse, but I’m as prepared for it as I can get. I know everything is about to be tossed into further turmoil, and ti does terrify me on some level, but I also know I can handle it. I can handle anything so long as I keep my head and continue moving forward. This is my core belief above all others, one I can’t wait to instill in my son.